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The pole dancing journey is full of twists, turns, and upside-down moments—literally and figuratively. It's a space where creativity meets resilience and passion fuels perseverance. But let’s be real: this industry isn’t all rhinestones and standing ovations. It can be tough, competitive, and, at times, disheartening.

If you’ve been turned down from show auditions or feel like the same "elite 20" are cast in every major performance (IYKYK), trust me, I understand the frustration. I've been there, sitting with that sting of rejection and wondering if all the effort is worth it. And while those feelings are valid, staying stuck in them can sabotage your progress and sour your passion.

So how do we navigate the complex emotions of pole dance rejection while maintaining a growth mindset? Let’s talk about it.

First things first: It’s okay to be upset, frustrated, or even angry. The industry does have its flaws. Sometimes it’s hard to crack into certain circles, and yes, bias exists. But here’s the thing—you have to let those emotions pass. Feel them, process them, and then let them go. Lingering in negativity won’t help your artistry, your growth, or your mental health.

What does help? Recognizing that you are not defined by rejection. A "no" doesn’t mean you’re not talented. It means there’s more space to grow and other opportunities to explore.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others and only seeing what you lack. But what about the things you do have? The routine you nailed last week, the new trick you mastered, the person in class who said your performance inspired them—these are wins, too.

Take time to celebrate even the small victories. Pole dance is as much about the process as it is the end goal. Acknowledge how far you’ve come since the day you first touched a pole, and keep that progress at the forefront of your mind.

Balancing a growth mindset with realism is key. Yes, some parts of the industry are cliquey or unfair. Yes, it can feel impossible to break into certain scenes. But dwelling on that negativity won’t help you stand out.

Instead of focusing on what's wrong, focus on what you can control:

• Your Skills: Keep training and experimenting with your style.

• Your Networking: Build genuine connections with others in the community.

• Your Brand: Showcase your unique voice and artistry.

At the same time, steer clear of toxic positivity. It’s okay to admit that the industry sucks sometimes, but don’t let that cynicism become your defining narrative. Your audience, peers, and collaborators will be drawn to the energy you project. Make it one of resilience and authenticity.

It might seem like the same people are always in the spotlight, but they’re there for a reason. Instead of resenting them, try reframing your perspective:

• What are they doing that you admire?

• How can you learn from their strengths and apply those lessons to your journey?

Use their success as inspiration rather than a roadblock. They’ve earned their place, but that doesn’t mean there’s no room for you. There’s space for all kinds of voices in the pole world, including yours.

Success doesn’t have to mean landing every showcase or becoming a headliner. Maybe it’s perfecting a move you’ve struggled with for months or creating a routine that tells a story close to your heart.

Pole dance is a deeply personal art form. Your goals and milestones are yours alone—don’t let external pressures dictate what success should look like for you.

The pole industry isn’t perfect, and rejection is unfortunately a very real part of the game. But don’t let negativity overshadow the joy, creativity, and growth that brought you here in the first place.

Remember: A growth mindset doesn’t mean ignoring the tough parts of the journey—it means facing them with determination and refusing to let them define you. It’s a balance between realism and optimism, frustration and perseverance.

So, keep dancing, keep dreaming, and keep showing the world what makes you unique. The stage might feel far away right now, but your time will come. And when it does, you’ll be ready.

How do you handle the ups and downs of the pole world? Share your thoughts—I’d love to hear how you stay inspired!